I had a dream that I was in a Cabinet meeting as an aide to the Secretary of Defense. It was very realistic. The President was there and everything. I remember being excited even though the meeting was dry and boring. Is that what it feels like to be a poly-sci major?

So parents are upset that Harry Potter gets naked in a stage play. And yet they don't seem to mind that the play itself is much more disturbing than mere nudity...

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Huh?

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This is absolutely the worst article ever written. It fails on every single level. It's wrong about the scene, it's wrong about the future, it's wrong about the obvious facts sitting within arm's reach of Ms. Jessica Pressler as she wrote crapped out the biggest turd I have ever seen in any print media. She can't even spell "accoutrements". She cites the freaking Urban Dictionary!

"It is not the first time there has been a black presence in modern rock. But some fans and musicians say they feel that a multiethnic rock scene is gathering momentum."

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

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4-PANEL COMIC SCRIPT

PANEL 1 - person in bed, eating banana bread

"Eating banana bread in bed is both awesome and terrible."

PANEL 2 - thoughtful contemplation

PANEL 3 - more contemplation

PANEL 4

"I wish I had some butter."

James Blunt sucks!

Tonight on Conan (old repeat): "It's always nice to hear the Clash."

woot

Kevin Spacey does amazing impressions. And whoa, is that Alicia Keys? Film debut in "Smokin' Aces"? And did Dave just ask her out?

This has been a summary of tonight's "Late Show with David Letterman". Thank you.

EDIT: Later on, Conan was asking Kate Beckinsale out. I don't know if I got them confused, or if they're both just dirty old men.

This guy is cool! I want to be a place kicker.

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so...

Stephen Merchant has a cameo in the first episode of 24 this season as a lackey in CTU, and Kumar plays a convincing (non-pot smoking) terrorist. I thought the first episode was too hokey and unreal (bargaining for Jack Bauer to sacrifice him to a terrorist?) but thankfully we knew all along that Jack would be back to killing indiscriminately in no time. Having a 4-hour season opener was a great idea.

The Buddy Holly Story

This movie is terrible. I'm not just saying that because I don't like Buddy Holly. It's just bad. They made Gary Busey so freakin ugly. I kept waiting for him to go for somebody's neck.

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UPDATE:

I have found a program to export my phone movies to different formats. While the files play just fine on my computer, it seems that they don't work for anyone else. So you'll find new .mp4 files by clicking on the links in the original post. If you need or want another file format, go download a free converter and do it yo'self. Peace.

Life is what it is. Allow me to get philosophical as I so rarely do, on here at least. Some days it's a barrel of crap. Today should have been one of those days. My friend's car got broken into and all of his stuff stolen, I didn't get one of the jobs I interviewed for, my rehearsal got cancelled because of the first incident leaving us with only one rehearsal for our "comeback" show on Sunday, and I freaking had to go to SATCO.

On paper it looks terrible (especially SATCO), but the actual day wasn't so bad. I got to go check out pawn shops to see if my friend's gear was there. I got to eat for free because my friend bought my dinner for helping him out. I got to see some people I haven't seen in a while. And I got to talk about Led Zeppelin, which I admit I like to do sometimes. AND I got to hate on a bunch of other stuff that so rightfully deserved it. It was a lot of fun.

Then I got home and realized I still wasn't prepared to play a show or even rehearse for one. I was settling down to do the dirty work and I figured it would take a couple of hours. Well, here I am an hour later scribbling on my blog. I'm mostly prepared, and tomorrow's rehearsal should take care of a lot of the rest of it. We'll see. 10 am ... blah. I hate morning rehearsals.

In closing, here is a dumb website.

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my cats in a box

clip 1
clip 2
clip 3

The Neptunes voluntarily stays in his unlatched prison for a few minutes, purring like a racehorse while Jay-Z tries to paw his way in. Once our striped friend escapes, he shows his ability to learn by sticking his face next to the lid and trying to nose it up. Jay-Z soon grows tired of this and thus the experiment ends.

Neptunes total time in box: ~5 minutes
Jay-Z total time in box: ~1 minute

Result: This experiment failed to prove that one cat is smarter than the other. Such experiments will continue in good faith. No cats were harmed, petted the wrong way, or forced to listen to bad showtunes during the course of this experiment.

I didn't think this was funny until I realized it was Justin Timberlake.

(not for sensitive ears)

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Thanks to the miracle of Myspace, I was able to invite Cut Chemist and Medeski, Martin, and Wood to my next show. It would be great if they showed up, but I doubt they'd be impressed. We feature neither a mad DJ nor superfunk fusion jazz.

knives out.

It's amazing how much difference a good knife makes. I just did some chopping and slicing and it was smooth, almost like art.

Now it's back to unpacking and trying to fit things in places where they would normally not fit.

Best cat name ever.

Nathaniel Pawthorne!

Thanks to some sitcom that was otherwise not funny for this.

Who was trying to tell me the external shots on House were fake? I can't remember.

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Rock Hall of Fame

Countdown to the Smiths in 2008!

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I think I was wrong about this game. Meanwhile, what's up with all these Southern Baptist ads? Do we really need TV commercials for religious groups?

Also, Emmitt Smith and Eddie George are having too much fun with their pregame banter. And UF is now marching a giant F across the field.

UF vs. Ohio State

My "official" prediction on the ESPN contest thingy is:

OSU 42
UF 10

Everyone's been talking about matchups this, 51 days off that, but there is one thing that will win this game. Troy Smith is Vince Young in scarlet and gray.

Of course, I'd rather see a close game than a blowout either way.

Petrino goes to Atlanta

I don't like this because Louisville needs another year or two to become a serious BCS force, and Petrino would certainly be able to make that happen. Without him, I'm not sure they can make it.

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I think the Italians are pretty sweet.

From the moment I heard about it, I didn't like the idea of executing ol' Saddam. Not that he wasn't guilty, but the whole thing was a circus. It reeked of the U.S. pushing for quick action, coincidentally right before Bush is going to announce his new plan for Iraq. What, 30 days for an appeal? And after that, the sentence is 100% permanently uncommutable?

Anyway, at least influential people are talking about it.

I absolutely cannot believed how retarded this interviewer is. He treats his subject like some kind of alien. Like he's never heard of Islam before.

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"...part of our country's problem is the shortsighted way we "protect" our kids from life's harsh realities. Janet Jackson's nipple slip was such a traumatic moment for Americans that some live sporting events now run on tape-delay, and Howard Stern fled to SIRIUS to escape the clutches of the increasingly fascistic FCC. Meanwhile, any kid can glimpse Britney's crotch if he or she is even remotely familiar with Google, and anyone can be slandered anonymously on a blog or message board."

Good point.

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***BEGIN GOOD IDEA***

DEAR FOX EXECUTIVES:

PLEASE CONSIDER A 24/HOUSE CROSSOVER. PERHAPS IN THE COURSE OF SAVING AMERICA, JACK BAUER COULD CONTRACT SOME KIND OF BIZARRE SUPERBUG THAT IS UNRESPONSIVE TO TRADITIONAL TREATMENTS. SUCH A SCENARIO WOULD PROVIDE AN EXCELLENT CHANCE TO DEVELOP CHARACTERS AS WELL AS PROVE THAT HOUSE IS INDEED A CRUCIAL PART OF OUR NATIONAL SECURITY.

ALSO, PLEASE STOP SHOWING ADS THAT ATTEMPT TO DEPICT REAL-TIME CAR ACCIDENTS IN A SURPRISING MANNER. I AM SICK OF THAT CRAP.

SINCERELY,
ME

***END GOOD IDEA***

And to cap it off in the post-game interview, Ian Johnson proposed to the head cheerleader on the spot.

(Note: I really wouldn't call them "trick plays". One was a pass with a lateral built in, and the other was a fake screen handoff. The basic building blocks of any play were just rearranged a little bit. Also, coach Chris Petersen looks exactly like Billy Bob Thornton. This is one potential football movie I would actually watch.)

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Ok, these announcers are ridiculous. Every five minutes, it's "Oklahoma can still win this." Adrian Peterson's dad is a hero for going to prison for 8 years but continuing to take care of his son. The ball hitting a Boise State player on a punt is a "mistake", even though the guy is facing the opposite direction and involved in a block. Even the cameras keep showing attractive young Sooners fans and grizzly old Boise State fans.

Although I have to admit Boise State is making some stupid moves now. Sheesh.

Football Update (for those who care)

A quick summary of the bowl mistakes I have made:

UCLA: Never bet against your team. Previously noted.

Alabama: Never pick a rival conference team (SEC) if you can help it.

Clemson: I don't think anyone saw that coming, so I don't feel so bad.

Virginia Tech: Never bet against a former coach for your team. This rule trumps the Alabama rule.

Tennessee: The Alabama rule plus the fact that I really like Penn State makes this one of the worst. And I think this was the game where the band played "Diamonds are a Girl's Best Friend" at halftime.

Michigan: So you're telling me that Florida State > UCLA > USC > Michigan? What's going on here? I got a bad feeling about the Rose Bowl today so I didn't watch it. I'm glad.

To end on a positive note, here are the great ones:

TCU: Because I misunderstood the system, I ranked this game #1 and won a ton of points off of it. And I think horned frogs are cool. And I hate Baylor.

Central Michigan: I don't want to diss the poor Blue Raiders, but Central Michigan was playing at home against a team that just hasn't been able to perform at the I-A level.

South Carolina: Spurrier had a win like this coming ever since the Florida game.

Boston College: I had no idea that Navy would put up such a fight. Also, see the "BC vs. Navy" post below.

Auburn: Ever since Cadillac Williams (and maybe before), they've had an x-factor that gives them an edge in tough games.

Boise State (in progress): Who doesn't want these guys to win? They're nobody, an undefeated WAC team that was judged as a "huge underdog" going in when they've had momentum all season and Oklahoma had a star running back with a broken collarbone. But let's be fair: Boise State's marching band sucks. Bad. And Oklahoma's just played "Bohemian Rhapsody" at halftime.