My horoscope.

(to be read aloud in your best "Charlton-Heston-as-Moses" voice)

YOU ARE THE KING OF ROCK AND ROLL. EAT AS MANY RAISINETTES AS YOU WANT. NO ONE CAN STOP YOU. DO NOT DRINK THAT ROLLING ROCK THAT HAS BEEN IN THE FRIDGE FOR ALMOST A YEAR. GIVE IT TO THE NEXT PERSON WHO ASKS IF YOU HAVE ANY BEER. DO NOT GIVE IT TO THE CATS. EAT AS MANY TOFFEE-COATED PEANUTS AS YOU WANT. THEY ARE TECHNICALLY GOOD FOR YOU. CONTINUE TO PLAY ALONG WITH DENISON MARRS AND THE CLASH AT MAXIMUM VOLUME, BUT CONSIDER THE BENEFITS OF EARPLUGS. (AND BOOK A SHOW, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD.) A MYSTERIOUS STRANGER WILL WALK INTO YOUR LIFE, BUT SHE WILL LEAVE AS SOON AS YOU SIGN FOR THE PACKAGE. DO NOT APOLOGIZE FOR LIKING THE CHICK FROM BONES. SHE IS UBERHOT. ON A RELATED NOTE, DO NOT APOLOGIZE FOR BELIEVING ANGELINA JOLIE TO BE DESCENDED FROM THE ELEPHANT MAN AND AS UGLY AS DENNIS RODMAN'S BUTT. IT IS GOD'S HONEST TRUTH.