Subject: eHarmony Account Information - URGENT

Dear Brandon,

During regular site maintenance, we noticed some content written by you that violates our terms and conditions. Here is what we found:

Q: Other than your parents, who has been the most influential person in your life and why?

A: Aragorn, because he taught me that the best way to rid Middle Earth of evil is through superhuman feats of ass-kicking.

Because this violates the terms and conditions that you accepted when you joined eHarmony, we have turned off your matching. You will not receive any further matches.

If you want us to reactivate your matching, please log into your account and change the content cited above. Please e-mail us at customerrelations@eharmony.com explaining why you wrote this content. Mistakes and misunderstandings will happen, so if you feel we are in error or do not understand your meaning, please let us know.

Sincerely,

The eHarmony Team

(This was after they told me I was unmatchable. Ha.)